I keep having these visions that where ever I end up I will be happy, truly and genuinely happy. Like dancing around the kitchen not caring what anyone things happy. And that’s what makes me, me. I want to be wild and free in spirit living fully, whatever that fullness means to me in the moment and exploring while having fun. Settling only for the best and never giving up on chasing dreams. I will dance, carefree. I love to dance and not many people every see that side of me… Maybe because I am afraid deep down but really there is just a trust and comfort level I need to feel deep down before I can “let go and be free.”
I keep having these visions. I know where in my life I will be in my future but the mysteries lie in the knowing the location I will be in and the person who I will be with. Maybe I keep having theses reoccurring thoughts and nightmares because I am 28 nearing 29 which makes me closer to 30. I am single, my best friend is basically my dog (at least where I am living right now) and well, I have just launched my own business on top of working full time. So things are a bit… chaotic. But there is consistency in these visions.
But to get to this spot in life we need to find our way again. It involves finding and identifying where we are while determining where we need to be. We have to forge though the fog and be certain and determined to reach that summit no matter the circumstances. Often times we come through places where we don’t thing we should be but later realize it was all a part of the plan and course. We have to stand tall and strong to fight our way back.
I keep having these flashbacks and nights of restless sleep. WHY? Why me and why now? But the reality is that I keep running through past life scenarios in my head trying to learn and grow from them and at the same time I continue to grow and blossom as an individual I am learning more and more about my inner feelings, thoughts and desires.
Several years ago, when I first became single, for the first time in a long time, I distinctly remember telling my girlfriends my “standards.” Absurd, but well I know I wanted to do better so I made a superficial list that looked something like this…
Megan’s Dream Man
2. Mountain Bikes
4. Wear Plaid
5. Can tune Skis
6. Bike Mechanic
7. Drives a truck
And that was my list. The plaid and bearded was a part of an outdoorsy stereotype. And well since this list was first made, I am now a ski tuner at a shop in the winters, I work closely with bike mechanics all summer and slowly improving my bike maintenance skills and I bought my own pickup truck! So with a little confidence and encouragement I was able to fill some gaps or voids I had previously thought I was missing in my life and realized that I was actually quite capable myself to do all of it.
Which brings me back to my dreams. I have been very restless lately. Single, feeling nomadic, desiring more adventures, and continuously seeking to try and grow as a person myself feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin.
I have just launched my own podcast, LIVE and on itunes! It’s frightening and exciting all at the same time. I’m traveling and adventuring on my weekends. I ride my mountain bike as much as possible and constantly play with my dog, who is ALWAYS supportive of whatever I do! (As long as she does not get left out) But overall I am just way more comfortable being me, in my own skin, having fun and not worrying about others and their thoughts and opinions. OK so maybe I do worry a little, I am still single, but in the end it never really seems to end up mattering.
So for now I will keep dreaming BIG, adventuring and waiting to see what happened because I know it will all work out in the end, so now it’s just a matter of waiting to see and figure out how it will all work out!